Since I had a very catholic upbringing, this time of the year combined with the gloomy weather makes me a little bit depressed, gloomy and I feel lonely and even secluded. The good thing is, this year I can skip the grave’s visit tomorrow on All Hallows (is that the right term?!) thanks to my thesis. My family “let me out” because I have so many things to do. But in my mind I am still there and it occupies me to the point where I actually don’t get anything done. Which is even more depressing and self destructive. But when I am this way, I cannot possibly bring my body and mind to function and be active. I am just lazy and try to detract myself from gloomy thoughts. I know this sounds strange, but visiting the family grave is just the worst thing for me and on All Hallows there are so many people at the cemetary, dressed in black, the marching band (again I don’t know if that describes it right) is playing funeral songs and I just have to relive my dad’s funeral all over again. Last year I actually cried there which left me beyond embarrassed since there are so many people and I wanted to be strong for my mom, but failed. I really dreaded the day this year so I am very glad to being allowed to pass. I just hope that this feeling goes away after tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, since that day is All Souls’ Day, and also a holiday.
Gloom, Graves and Depression